Strangely enough I found that I wasn’t nervous this morning when Gary, the photographer arrived for the Reader’s Digest photo shoot. I was more anxious about the rather moth-ballish smell which seems to have taken over the house in the past week, so was busily lighting anti-stink (I mean delicately perfumed) candles instead of doing my hair.
There is a point in a woman’s life (I am well beyond this point) when you realise that Old Father Time is a b*****d and that no amount of preening or celebrity hip-angling can disguise the fact that you do not, and are never again likely to look ‘fierce’ on camera. I put on a shift dress (black obviously – I am resigned, but not stupid) and looked in the mirror, then immediately donned a large grey cardigan to cover it all up. Yes, you are correct, I do have body image issues.
The next hour was spent wondering why he was using such a wide angle and why I hadn’t put on a pair of trousers.
The shoot itself was good, if slightly surreal. The sun shone beautifully (considering it’s March in North Yorkshire this is nothing short of the miracle I had prayed for). I was asked to pose in my garden by the washing line. I did say it was slightly surreal. On the line were pegged a number of large white pieces of cardboard which stubbornly refused to dangle straight and almost took off, taking my hair with them, when each gust of wind reared. The final image will superimpose some of my own family photos onto these pieces of card, but today it felt rather like standing amongst the handiwork of a slightly over-zealous washerwoman with a lifetime supply of starch.
I felt relaxed and satisfied until about 10 minutes after Gary left when I thought I’d take a quick peak at his website. OMG. The first portrait to greet me was the gorgeous Halle Berry, who clearly does not have body image issues. I flicked on. Next page – Daniel Craig. Then Paul Newman, Christopher Eccleston, Alicia Keys, Norman Wisdom, James Cracknell…….
I am not expecting my portrait to make it into his portfolio……..